Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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