She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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