one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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