she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
