he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
