you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
