Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just had sex on a roof
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
