she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize