It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The air taste purple.
Randomize
