3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
