i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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