Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
