Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
