Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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