He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just gargled with NyQuil
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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