It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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