my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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