Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize