I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
