Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
