i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
