Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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