I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im holly from the hills drunk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
