dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
