Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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