i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
