The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
