What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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