If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
