I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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