Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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