The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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