You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
