you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
