If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
