Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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