spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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