the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
