i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
