is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
