i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
