guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
