ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I looked at my own cervix.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
