everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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