i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
