drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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