therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
