i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
