I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have post one night stand depression
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize