I think i peed on brittanys purse
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
