I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
