i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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