he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
