So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
