My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize