I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
