He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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