I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
