im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
