does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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