mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
