I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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