my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize