so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
