How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
