Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
