O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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