Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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