You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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