i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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