i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize