The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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