the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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